Movie and TV Scenes That Show What Labor and Giving Birth Is Like0 Comments

By admin
Posted on 05 May 2016 at 6:09pm

Having just given birth to my first baby eight weeks ago—a healthy, delicious little boy!—the memories of labor and delivery are particularly fresh in my mind. (They swear you forget all the pain, but I’m still waiting for that selective amnesia to kick in…) I’ll spare you the nitty gritty details, but let’s just say this: It’s nothing like what you see in the movies or on television (unless you are re-watching the Miracle of Life VHS from high school health class). One aspect Hollywood typically gets right? Bringing a baby into this world, however it happens, is hard work—which is why you need to celebrate mamas everywhere come Mother’s Day this weekend. But just about everything else—the gush of waters breaking, the dewey foreheads, the screaming ladies, etc.—is more theatrics than truth. Case in point: The following 11 scenes from both the big and little screen. Starting with…

Knocked Up

OK, so props to Judd Apatow for going there with the baby’s crowning moment (and yes, if you’re wondering, Katherine Heigl’s screams are totally, completely justified). But this funny flick—and about every other birth scene ever recorded—gets a major aspect of labor dead wrong: THERE IS NO SHEET. There will be no nicely draped hospital sheet protecting the last shreds of your dignity as you push a human being out of the body parts formerly known as your “privates” (there’s nothing private about them during labor). So prepare your significant other: Unless he or she straight-up closes his or her eyes, they are going to see a lot. It’s beautiful and everything, but it’s also gory. You’ve been warned.

(Of course, I understand the necessity of the sheet—delivering a baby isn’t exactly TV and movie friendly.)

Jane the Virgin

Things this scene gets right: The exhaustion and the attitude. (It’s the labor talking.) But that doctor and his measly pair of rubber gloves? Yeah, right. Birth is a messy business and right before that baby makes his or her debut, the doctor gears up in what looks like a G-D HazMat suit. Also, every fictional woman giving birth—Petra included—looks like they’ve just lost a battle with a Super Soaker. I’m not denying that pushing out a baby can work up a sweat, but to be totally drenched is a bit of an exaggeration. (And notice the sheet?)

What to Expect When You’re Expecting

Sorry, Brooklyn Decker, but any woman who sneezes out a baby is a pregnancy unicorn: Sure, you hear about them in stories—but they don’t exist IRL (and this is coming from someone who had a relatively easy labor). Be very suspicious of any woman who tries to tell you otherwise—they might be lying.

Friends

I’m not a doctor. Nor have I ever given birth to triplets. But I imagine that pushing out three babies in a row would be a whole lot harder than Ms. Phoebe Buffay makes it seem. (But I love her ability to keep her sense of humor through it all.) And see above re: rubber gloves and the sheet.

The Back Up Plan

This (albeit hilarious) portrayal of an at-home water birth more closely resembles a scene out of The Ring than a real-life delivery. Not to mention, there will be no Melissa McCarthy banging on a drum to welcome your little one into the world. One thing this comedy of errors unfortunately gets right, though? The possibility of, ahem, pooping is very, very real.

The Leftovers

Good news, friends: It is no longer prehistoric times that require us ladies to labor and deliver a baby out in nature, death-gripping rocks and trees for pain relief. The process has since been moved indoors, you can wear clothes (most likely just a hospital gown, but hey, it’s something), and if you so choose, there are medicinal ways to manage the pain.

Game of Thrones

Again, you don’t have to do this naked in a cave anymore (a la Melisandre in GoT)! And the end result is a beautiful, sweet baby—not a shadow demon.

Baby Mama

Yes, contractions can be a really sharp, piercing pain (and not like “mild period cramps,” like I was unfortunately misinformed). And yes, the desire for an epidural can reach near desperation-levels. But the whole screaming-like-a-lunatic pregnant lady routine is one most often reserved for the movies and not for every delivery room.

The Affair

This might just have been the craziest episode of The Affair to date—in part because of how Alison’s whole delivery went down. Sure, there was a nasty thunderstorm outside, but you mean to tell me that a hospital—in a major metropolitan city, no less—isn’t equipped with generators that can, oh, keep the lights on? The darkness definitely added to the already high-stakes drama, but I’m calling BS on the blackout birth.

Junior

This one’s pretty obvious, but delivering a baby is not a job for the Arnold—or any man (duh). If that were the case, I’d be willing to bet that overpopulation would never be a problem because nobody would have more than one kid. Just sayin’.

Twilight: Breaking Dawn

Vampires are not real; ergo, vampire births are (thankfully) not a real thing either. Because, quite frankly, they look horrible.

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