The Emotions of Experiencing Harry Potter For The First Time0 Comments

By admin
Posted on 04 Feb 2015 at 5:29am

I had somehow always avoided the Harry Potter phenomenon; I’d never read any of the books, I’d seen parts of the first film in French (which I don’t speak), and the final film in theaters for reasons of fellowship (not understanding a single thing that took place, nor why Ralph Fiennes had no nose). Last week, equipped with a bottle of wine and every film in the series, I decided to endure the “potentially historic” blizzard with a marathon of the movies. My life, as you can imagine, has changed considerably. 

When Harry finally grabs one letter of the literal hundreds raining into the house, and you’re like JUST TEAR IT OPEN AND READ IT ALREADY, COME ON! 

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When you realize that this moment is actually more depressing than when you cry listening to Akon’s “Lonely”*:

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*Other people do that too, right?

When you get to Hogwarts and you’re just like, “damn, is anybody more fabulous than Maggie Smith?” 

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The confusion you feel when the guy you’ve totally had the dirtiest thoughts about from HTGAWM is just a child now:

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When you begin to understand that Hermione is better than you in literally every way:

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That feeling of shock that someone can suck as much as Malfoy does, and the pure rage that follows literally everything he says:

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The first time I saw Oliver Wood: 

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The moment you realize you would literally sell your soul to You-Know-Who just for some alone time with this hunk:

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#SwoonCity #NowIKnowWhyTheyCallYouWood

The glee you feel when Gryffindor beats Slytherin in quidditch, but you’re playing it cool because you’re embarrassed to be 23 and genuinely really excited about a fictional sporting event:

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The first time you see that absolute monster named Fluffy:

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When Hermione is talking about libraries, but you still want to pretend it’s something nerdy and naughty:

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When you realize that all you want is a strong sweater game and some chocolate, therefore you’re Ron:

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When Harry discovers the trippy Mirror of Erised, and you feel like maybe he’s been drankin’, too:

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Trying to decide whether you’d have sex with the minotaur (like, probably not, but who knows, right? RIGHT?):

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When they get trapped in the Devil’s Snare and you feel like you should worry but don’t because Hermione is there, and you know she’ll handle things like only she and Olivia Pope could:

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Realizing that drinking unicorn blood is probably better than Botox:

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When Quirrell starts to take off his turban and you’re like “OMG IS IT A SNAKE? PLEASE NO”

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Then the actual terror you feel when it turns out Quirrell is growing a human out of the back of his head:

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Even though you’re terrified, you still become slightly impressed that he was eccentric enough of a dresser that his turban went unquestioned:

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If I wore a turban, people would be like “obvi, you’re just growing the evil leader of the Death Eaters under that.” 

But wait, can someone please explain to me, is Harry fire?

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Ohhh, I see, Dumbledore. Harry is fire, because his mom. Right. Natch. What a stupid question.

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The joy you feel when Neville gets the House Cup for Gryffindor (and really, you’re not as happy for Harry & Co. as you are that Malfoy is piffed; eat dirt, Malfoy):

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